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Have you ever dated a guy and thought things were going GREAT between you, only to have him suddenly start being flaky, or stop calling, or vanish all together? I first realized there was a big gap in men’s and women’s perceptions when I was writing my first book, “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book – A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating”. This is the main premise behind Why He Disappeared. It’s that you’ve never fully understood why certain men choose not to stick around. If he’s shallow and fickle and uncommunicative and still thinks he should be dating Angelina Jolie, let him knock himself out. But when you do meet that rare, relationship-oriented, quality guy, how can you be the most self-confident, self-aware, irresistible man magnet around? But is every man really as straightforward as you are?In my work as a dating coach, this is the number one complaint I hear. My friend Jen had sent me a list of over 300 things that men did wrong on first dates. You made partner in your fifth year and you have a time-share in Vail? Will you wake him on Sunday morning with chocolate chip pancakes and morning sex? It makes us feel secure and studly and all those things we rarely feel on our own. Once you get it, you will have a clearer, easier path to love – and a lifelong ability to understand and connect with men. It all starts with understanding what men are thinking. I have a male friend who criticized his ex-girlfriend because her grammar wasn’t as good as his.How do you find a guy who’s compatible, age-appropriate, and interested in a long-term committed relationship? The phrase “finding a man who wants to be a grown-up” came up several times.

And I’ve had countless nice, decent, relationship-oriented guys tell me why it SEEMED like they really liked a woman but then bailed on her. I finally cobbled something together with the help of some friends. I’m guessing you concluded that the thought of being with the wrong man is far worse than the thought of being alone. So, since you can ALWAYS find a quality he DOESN’T have, it doesn’t make much sense to rely on such lists. This brings up an obvious question, however: “What about men? And if you’re in touch with the dozens of reasons that most men don’t make the cut, what are the reasons that men use to cut you loose? In fact, I think you’d be SURPRISED at what men REALLY want from women. Because there are lots of amazing women who have the potential to be great girlfriends but accidentally sabotage themselves.You’re seeing a great guy and you THINK you’re getting close, but then he suddenly pulls away and you have NO IDEA what happened. She’d put it together in a few hours over a few glasses of wine with her girlfriends. Because when you compare the number of factors that determine whether a guy is date-worthy with the number of factors that determine whether you’re date-worthy, it’s night and day. Men ask two questions: Do I want to sleep with you? All of this is just a long way of stating what every man knows – and most women don’t: We are not nearly as concerned with your merits as much as how you make us FEEL. If you’re fun and easygoing, it makes us enjoy our time together. It makes us want to keep you around forever and ever. My husband has a male friend who broke up with his girlfriend because supposedly, she wasn’t up to his intellectual level.I can tell you what happened – if you’re ready to turn your love life around forever… I thought the list was so hysterical, that I included it in the first draft of my book. In all my years of dating, I never stopped to dissect the behavior of my female dates. Do I feel good about myself when I’m spending time with you? Which means that all of your amazing qualities may not even matter to him at ALL! You ran a half-marathon and raised twelve thousand dollars for leukemia? Understand, men DO value intelligence, but they also want from their girlfriend what they CAN’T get from their business associates. I have another guy friend who has complained about not being able to have deep discussions with virtually every single girlfriend he has had.




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