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Each person felt like a real possibility, rather than an abstraction.

The first Tinder date I ever went on, in 2014, became a six-month relationship. In late 2014 and early 2015, I went on a handful of decent dates, some that led to more dates, some that didn’t—which is about what I feel it’s reasonable to expect from dating services.

“The process of dating inherently sucks,” says Holly Wood, a Ph D candidate at Harvard University who’s doing her dissertation on modern dating.

“I literally am trying to call my dissertation ‘Why Dating Sucks,’ because I want to explain that.

The whole endeavor seems tired.“I’m going to project a really bleak theory on you,” Fetters says.

This tension may lead to people walking a middle path—lingering on the apps while not actively using them much.Is Twitter terrible, or is it just a platform terrible people have taken advantage of?Are dating apps exhausting because of some fundamental problem with the apps, or just because dating is always frustrating and disappointing?“I kinda use it now just for entertainment when I’m bored or standing in lines. I noticed a huge shift in my intentions.”Lawal remembers the exact moment it switched for him.At the end of 2014, he took a road trip with his friend from Birmingham, Alabama to St. “On the way down there, I spent a lot of time on Tinder,” he says.




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